FAQ’s

Michael Dwyer charges $390 per hour.  I do not ask for a retainer; my clients pay at each stage of mediation.

Clients without children are generally able to reach agreement in 1 to 3 sessions.  There are more issues to cover when divorcing couples have children, but clients with children are usually able to reach agreement in 2-4 sessions.  (A session lasts 1.5 hours).

In Mediation, a neutral third party (a Mediator) helps both parties resolve their disputes and reach an agreement. The Mediator works closely with and for both parties but is not an advocate for either. 

Mediation is the safe and sane way for families to resolve disputes. Mediation focuses on helping people (even people with strong negative emotions towards each other) reach a mutual agreement.

Mediation differs from litigation.  In litigation, the entire process is wired for trial. The focus is on winning and losing, which destroys families. The approach and attitude is adversarial and competitive. There is no place for emotion or a person’s feelings about whether a result feels fair.

The Mediator’s role differs from a lawyer’s role. The Mediator does not try to maximize the “winnings” of one party at the expense of the other, but rather works to help both parties meet their needs and interests.

In the first instance, I do this by ensuring a safe and sane place to discuss difficult issues in a civil, respectful and adult-like manner. We strive to hold conversations in which each person listens respectfully to the other, and to speak to the other about their important concerns. The Mediator can help the parties identify old, unskillful communication patterns and begin to create new ways of communicating, especially for divorcing couples who are transitioning to divorced co-parents.

In my role as Mediator, I do not act as an advocate for either party. Unlike the role of an attorney, I do not take the “side” of one person against the other. There is no “winning” or “losing.”

I do, however, help people navigate the complexities of the legal system and to understand what they need to satisfy the demands of the law. I help people identify their needs and interests so we can customize a settlement agreement that they feel is fair. I help people creatively develop options and solutions they may not have considered. I also help them understand the pros and cons of various options and analyze the best and worst alternatives to reaching agreement.

Mediation helps each participant identify his or her needs and interests, and the best way to meet those needs and settle the dispute.

The Mediator helps the parties reach agreements that ensure the safety of each party as they move through the process.

Clients are helped to establish good boundaries and speak and listen to each other in a civil, safe way. This helps clients regain control if they have been feeling unsafe and out of control.

The Mediator helps the Clients identify the major issues that they need to resolve. The Clients participate in a full exchange of information, including financial information. The Mediator helps the clients understand and assess the information, or obtains necessary outside expertise (such as accountants and appraisers).

Next, with the Mediator’s assistance, the Clients will discuss and negotiate a solution that fits both parties’ needs. Often, clients will have tried unsuccessfully to talk prior to Mediation. That is the main reason they have come to Mediation. In Mediation clients are provided a structure and process to anchor their discussions. Also, the Mediator helps the parties negotiate effectively by helping them analyze and evaluate their options to see which fit best with their mutual needs and interests.

• Mediation saves people lots of money. People like the low cost of mediation compared to the expensive alternative of having to hire two lawyers and the cost of litigation.   
• Mediation is fast.  It takes a fraction of the time it takes to go to trial, or even to settle a case in the litigation system.  
• Mediation participants report greater satisfaction because they (not lawyers or a judge) create the terms of their own divorce agreement. The Mediation clients are the judges of what feels fair.
• Mediation enables parents to become more effective co-parents. Instead of suffering the extreme polarization that results from the adversary system, parents (even parents who are having difficulty getting along) are focused on resolving the problems for their children instead of endlessly fighting about them.  
• In Mediation, people never have to see the inside of a courtroom.

When couples meet with me not accompanied by lawyers, I often meet with the couple in joint sessions, but I will also meet individually and privately with each client at various times. At other times, it is more helpful to minimize or eliminate joint sessions and to work primarily with each person individually.

I also like to tailor the amount of “evaluation” I provide to the needs of the case. Some people want to create their own agreement with a minimum of mediator involvement. Others want and need the benefit of my experience and want my thoughts about how they “should” settle their dispute. I will have a thorough conversation with my clients about their needs and my role to that I can make, with them, the most skillful choice available.

With all clients, I refrain from judging them for past actions and listen deeply and respectfully. I try to take a compassionate stance towards my clients, by which I mean deep caring coupled with strength and resolve. I try to be an anchor for my clients when they are in the throes of highly charged emotions.

Our online mediation sessions generally last 1.5 hours.

Custody refers to one or both parents making the major decisions for children. Major decisions include religion, education, and medical care. When both parents make the major decisions together, we use the term “joint custody.” When only one parent makes the major decisions for the children, we use the term “sole custody.” In Oregon, the parties may agree to be joint custodial parents, and the court will honor that agreement. But Oregon judges cannot order joint custody without the agreement of the parents. If the parties do not agree on joint custody, or do not agree which parent will be the sole custodial parent, the Oregon judges must award sole custody of the children to one parent.

Parenting Plan involves the creation of a schedule that considers time and the regular of the children. It also means resolving how the children will spend holidays and vacations. Parenting Plans also involve the quality of the co-parenting relationship, including establishing shared goals, boundaries, expectations, and communications. Parenting Plans are not the same as custody, even though the two are commonly confused.

You do not have to have a lawyer. Many people prefer to complete their divorces without consulting a lawyer and are able to do so.

Occasionally I will insist that people consult a lawyer depending on the issues and circumstances, at least before signing an enforceable settlement agreement or judgment of dissolution.

Because of the popularity of mediation, many lawyers today supplement their legal practices with part-time mediation work. They figure that because they have participated in mediations as a lawyer, they must be qualified to serve as mediators. Without advanced training, these lawyer-mediators will often bring their old adversarial approach to mediation without even knowing it. This type of process often results in the same dissatisfactions for clients as in the litigation system where the parties feel that they did not create their own agreement so much as were subtly coerced into accepting a result dictated to them by the lawyer-mediator.

People searching for qualified mediators should check to see if mediation is a primary or secondary part of the caseload; and also investigate the prospective mediator’s studies and training.

Often, people who are reluctant at first to use the Mediation process change their minds when they are faced with the alternative of the court-based family law system and become educated about the advantages and disadvantages of each system.

I am happy to help prospective clients become educated about the pros and cons of each process so that you and your family can find the best process fit.

All mediations are now conducted online using Zoom.  This has created substantial convenience for clients who no longer have to take time off work, find caregivers for children, or have to fight traffic.